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Self Esteem Crisis

I received a very disturbing e-mail today about Low Confidence Spam. 

At first I thought it was referring to this kind of SPAM: 


And I could understand the low-confidence thing if that were the case. I mean, not a whole lot of people like Spam. It’s pretty much universally reviled. Mocked, even. (Unless they’re from Hawaii, where apparently SPAM is a national treasure. No joke.) 

But as it turns out, it wasn’t that kind of Spam. It was this kind: 


Apparently our e-mail system at work is also a highly skilled diagnostician when it comes to evaluating the emotional health of e-mail. But I think it judges rather harshly – I’ve yet to see a “High Confidence Spam” tagline attached to an e-mail. Which makes me wonder: What kind of tagline gets attached to the e-mails I send?

Staff Update – “Highly Neurotic Meeting Request”  

Revised Proposal (DUE BY NOON!) – “Warning, She Hasn’t Had Her Coffee Yet”

Check out this new form I created! – “Overly Inflated Ego Alert”


3 thoughts on “Self Esteem Crisis

  1. I can understand why Spam has low self-esteem, compared to other lunch meats. Roast Beef is just arrogant, and talks shit whenever it can. Ham is just a pig. Turkey is just WAY too popular, and knows it.

    Personally, I think Spam has a great personality, and is certainly the friendliest of meats….

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