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Kids Writing About the Ocean

I’ve read variations of this before, but they are truly hilarious.  Enjoy some mid-week humor!

1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.  (Kelly, age 6)

 2) Oysters’ balls are called pearls. (Jerry age 6)

 3) If you are  surrounded by ocean, you are an  island.  If you don’t have ocean all round  you, you are incontinent.  (age 7)

 4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth,  just like Emily Richardson. She’s not my  friend  any more.  (Kylie, age 6)

 5)  A dolphin  breaths through an asshole on the top  of its head. (Billy, age  8)

8)  Mermaids live in the ocean. I  like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like  their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant?  Like,  really?   (Helen, age 6)

 9) I’m not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister  has just got pregnant, so I can’t think what to write. (Amy, age 6)

 10) – Some fish  are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock.  They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug  themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7)

11) When you  go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small.  (Kevin, age 6)

12)  Divers have to be safe when they go under the water.  Divers can’t go  down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)

13) On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast.  She says she won’t do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass.  (Julie, age7)

 14)  The ocean is made up of water and fish.  Why the fish don’t drown I  don’t know  (Bobby, age 6)

15)  My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean.  What he doesn’t know is why he quit being a sailor and  married my mom. (James, age 7)


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