What a sad, sad story…
Kermit The Frog has succumbed to death from the H1N1 Influenza Swine Flu.
There were rumors over the years that Kermit he overdosed on Heroine and fatally shot himself, but Kermit was alive and on the mend after attending the Cookie Monster’s Rehab Center on Sesame Street.
Most recently he and his divorced wife, Miss Piggy and their seven” frigs -hybrid offspring as the result of a frog and a pig procreating,” had been seen at Chuckie Cheese rekindling their romance kissing and holding hands while the children played.
Listening to the CDC warnings that H1N1 virus could not be transmitted by pig, or unprotected sex with a pig; autopsy reports have shown he was indeed a victim of Swine Flu. Kermit’s case is the first mutation of bird, pig, human, frog mutation. Results are inconclusive if Kermit was sneaking BLT sandwiches for lunch and could also not rule out tainted tomatoes. The CDC is informing people not to consume raw or undercooked frog legs. There is no known vaccination for this new strain. He was found alone in his apartment after the mailman noticed a foul odor and large stack of fan mail in front of his door.
Miss Piggy and the frigs are in isolation and treatments of Relenza and Tamiflu are being administered. They appear to be recovering. The entire staff of the Muppet Show was sadden to learn of such a tenacious actor who affected so many young people’s lives. They were grateful that he had not been on the set to infect anyone else. Oscar The Grouch has moved to the streets of California where recyclable trashcans prevent the flu virus from permeating to its occupants.
A member of The Green Party, Kermit had recently been an adviser to Al Gore and President Obama on creating more wet land habitats for frogs during the recent Land Management Grab Act.
Kermit the Frog was preceded in death by his father Jim Henson, who did not die of Swine Flu. Funeral arrangements are pending with mourners asked in lieu of flowers to sign a petition to save all of the frogs that are getting run over and harmed by humans.
Credit for this story goes to Ahrcanum.